


Revelation

by blue_pointer



Series: A Glorious Retelling [60]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arcane texting, Arguing, Bad Cat Lockheed, Bratty Vax, Canon Non-Binary Character, Canon Timeline, Denial, Depression, Drunk Texting, Drunkenness, Episode: c01e072 The Elephant in the Room, Foreign customs, Jealousy, Larkin Watch, Lockheed can haz cheezburger, M/M, Men Crying, Metallic Dragon!Gilmore, Minor Shaun Gilmore/J'mon Sa Ord, Minor Shaun Gilmore/Jarett Howarth, Open Marriage, POV Shaun Gilmore, POV Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Past Relationship(s), Presents, Puzzles, Regret, Relationship Issues, Steampunk, Traps, Unicorns, Vaxmore, You know what happens when you assume, clockworks, do not copy to another site, dragon marriage, relationship drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29644353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: When Gilmore reveals something shocking, his relationship with Vax hangs in the balance.
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore & Sherri, Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Series: A Glorious Retelling [60]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975831
Comments: 20
Kudos: 15





	1. Everything You Thought You Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk af, Vax contacts Gilmore for some comfort after his near-death experience with Vorugal. Gilmore reveals something that sends Vax into a tailspin.

Vax was drunk. Vax was drunk, and he was not ready for bed yet. Vax was drunk, he was not ready for bed yet, and he had been avoiding Gilmore for the past two days. Sure, easy thing to do when you were in Wildemount with your friends, waiting to kill an ancient white dragon. But. Vax had been avoiding Gilmore on purpose. 

He was still angry at Gilmore for not telling Jarett to leave when Vax had asked him to. And, if he was honest, Vax was also a little angry at Gilmore for letting Jarett into his bed at all. It didn’t matter that Gilmore had told Vax he might do it. It didn’t matter that Vax had told Gilmore he wanted someone else there to take care of him while Vax focused on Keyleth. The point was: Jarett. 

Vax had thought it obvious that, when he was in Whitestone, he would have first rights to Gilmore. So Jarett had gotten there first that night, so what? Vax was still first over-all. That’s how it was supposed to work--in his mind, at least. 

So, Vax was still angry with Gilmore. But. He’d also just nearly died. And he wanted a hug. Vex’ahlia’s hugs weren’t as good as Gilmore’s. 

And yet, he was still angry, but also. Vax had a lot of questions for Gilmore. Shaun had a lot of explaining to do after what had happened in Ank’Harel. Vax had been so angry the other night in Gilmore’s bedroom, he’d forgotten about that.

So it was time. Time to talk to Gilmore. Because Vax was drunk. And not ready for bed yet. 

“Gilmore,” Vax called out. “Gilmore!” What was wrong with this chair? His legs were sideways. Vax turned so that his legs were over the back of the chair. Was that better? “Gilmore, I’m drunk and you have some explaining to do. Gilmore!” Wait. The paper. Vax needed to find the paper. He fished around in his cloak for it. _Oh no._ He’d given his cloak to Kiki. 

“No!” Vax did a backward somersault out of the chair. When he landed on his arse, he remembered: Vax had gotten the parchment back from Kiki and given it to Grog. But Grog had never given it back. Then Pike had told him that Kima was speaking to a piece of paper this morning before the battle, so Vax knew Kima had had it last. And he’d picked her pocket for it during the after-battle celebration. And now the paper was in his pants pocket. _Phew._

Vax reached into his pocket and found it. “Yes!” But wait. Something was wrong. Vax squinted at it with bleary eyes. What were those marks on the paper? Not writing. He honestly couldn’t tell. When Vax unrolled the parchment, there were words there already. 

_Vax’ildan, what is going on?_

“I’m drunk.” Vax hiccupped. Hadn’t Gilmore been listening? “We killed a dragon. And I died.” 

_My darling, please don’t joke about that. I was beside myself. I’m so glad you’re safe now._

“Okay, I _almost_ died. It’sssame thing. I have a magic ring.” He held it up. “Do you want it?” 

_I...really? For me?_

“No!” Vax sat up suddenly. “You can’t have it. Because you’d rather trade jewelry with J’mon Sa Ord. Sword?” That seemed a strange coincidence. Vax played with it. “Sa Ord, sword. Sa-sword…”

_Vax’ildan, what on earth are you talking about?_

“He gave me jewelry to give you, but I didn’t because you were with Jarett. Stupid Jarett,” Vax muttered. 

_My love, you’re not making much sense. Perhaps we should talk in the morning._

“OH no! Don’t you dare hang up on me, Shaun Gilmore! I want to know why you gave us a locket for the emperor. And you didn’t even tell us it was for him.” Vax’s voice went up at the end, because he was suddenly feeling weepy. 

_That’s a long story._

Vax glared at the words. “Well I’m drunk, and I’m not ready for bed yet. So why don’t you try me?” 

_You killed Vorugal then? Everyone’s safe?_

“Stop trying to change the subject.” Vax said. But then he became distracted. “ **No** , everyone’s not safe. I keep telling them we have to find Larkin!”

_Who’s Larkin?_

“He’s a dwarf who came to help us fight the dragon. But no one’s seen him since. What if he’s dead? I almost died, so I know what that feels like.” 

_My poor Vax’ildan._

Vax climbed back into the chair, whimpering with self-pity. “Gilmore, I almost died; I want a hug!”

_My darling boy. You have but to ask._

“Come here and give me a hug!” Vax demanded, sounding like a small child and not caring at all. 

There was a flash of light, and suddenly Gilmore was there--really there! He walked swiftly to Vax as the rogue tried to sit up and lost his balance, nearly tumbling backwards out of the chair. “Oh, you poor thing,” Gilmore said, sweeping Vax into the warmest of hugs. “You really are drunk as a skunk, aren’t you?” 

“Skunks don’t drink,” Vax said, rubbing his cheek against Gilmore’s chest. “I missed you!” He was suddenly very weepy. 

“My poor Vax’ildan.” Gilmore stroked his hair, holding Vax tight. “Please don’t worry me like that again. I thought you were going to die.” 

“I did!” Vax cried a little. “It was unpleasant!” Gilmore kissed the top of his head and smothered Vax in the hug. Vax found himself surrounded by chest hair, and it was a nice feeling, until he remembered: “You like Jarett more than me,” he said, still crying a little. 

“I do like Jarett quite a lot,” Gilmore admitted. “But I _love_ you.”

“Then show it,” Vax whined.

Gilmore smoothed Vax’ildan’s hair back again. “How would you like me to show you?” 

“I don’t know,” Vax said. “Hug me some more?” Gilmore gave him a big bear hug, lifting Vax off the ground. He heard something snap, and Vax wasn’t sure if it was him or Gilmore. “That didn’t sound good,” he said, voice gone strange because of his lungs being compressed. Gilmore put Vax down, but he didn’t let up on the hug much. 

“Did you know Vorugal had a gold pirate ship in his treasure? I didn’t know dragons liked ships.” 

“Really?” Gilmore seemed very interested. “Tell me about it.”

Vax described the mast and the deck as well as he could remember. “Percival wanted to go inside the ship, but then Grog punched the ice down.” 

“I see. Is Grog alright?”

“Yes, Grog’s alright,” Vax said, miffed. “ _I’m_ the one who died. Wait. Also Pike. Why do you care so much about Grog?” 

“I happen to care about all of you. And Grog was the one who saved your life,” Gilmore said. “Is Pike alright?”

“Yes,” Vax said, sullen. “When we came back to life, we went inside Scanlan’s mansion. We talked, and I gave her fun buns.” 

“I’m sorry?”

“You know, the little hair--does that mean something different from what I think?--I put her hair up in fun buns.” 

“Oh. Well, that sounds cheerful.” Gilmore seemed relieved that fun buns were just a hair style. 

Vax sagged against him, feeling weak. “I told Vex’ahlia to just go for Percival. Because we might all die soon. So I suppose that will be a thing now.”

“What a kind, brotherly thing to do.” Gilmore was stroking his hair, now, almost as if Vax were a pet cat. “I’m proud of you.”

“Gilmore, please, I’m trying to say something. Don’t interrupt!” Gilmore grew very quiet, and his hug went slack. Vax wept gently into Gilmore’s robe, needing to press on. He knew he’d been rude, but he couldn’t stop to apologize now. 

“I love you, Shaun Gilmore. And I don’t like sharing you. Not with Jarett. And not with J’mon Sa Ord--did you know he’s a dragon? Wait, that might be a secret.” Vax tried to remember if they’d been sworn to secrecy or not.

“They.”

“They wot?” 

“J’mon Sa Ord is not a he, they are a they,” Gilmore explained patiently. 

“Fine. Are _they_ in love with you?”

Gilmore paused before answering. “I’m not really the one to ask. They used to be.”

Vax scoffed. “That’s not an answer. Anyway, of course they are. They gave me a gift to bring back to you. A bunch of jewels in a fancy box.” 

Gilmore exhaled strangely. Vax didn’t look up, but it sounded...nervous? “I see.”

“You don’t want to know where they are?” He needed Gilmore to take the bait in order for this to work. 

“They’re not with you?” Gilmore asked, surprised. 

“No. I don’t want to carry around a gift from another man--dragon--for my boyfriend!” Vax snapped. He’d hidden the box away after that unholy night in bed with Gilmore and Jarett, because Vax had been so angry. 

“Vax’ildan, this is very important.” Gilmore spoke slowly, as though Vax was a small child. “Where is the box?”

Vax didn’t think Gilmore deserved to know, actually. He should have chucked them in the bin. Or sold them. What if he’d given them to Keyleth and said they were from him? No, even Vax knew that would be wrong. 

“Vax’ildan?” Gilmore sounded cross now. And that was somehow worse. 

“You just want your present from him--them. You don’t care about my feelings,” Vax accused. 

“Stop acting like a child. This is important.” 

Vax had never heard Gilmore speak to him like this before when Vax was being needy. He hated it. “Why? Why do you care so much where his--that dragon’s gift is?” 

Gilmore’s voice was tense. “Because the trap they set on that jewel box could kill someone if anyone other than me opens it.” 

“Oh.” Good thing Vax had not shown Vex or taken another peek of his own. Vax tipped his head to look up at Gilmore. He looked beautiful, like always, if a bit disheveled. Vax wasn’t sure what time it was in Whitestone right now, maybe he’d pulled Gilmore out of bed. “But how do you know there’s a trap?” 

Gilmore sighed, rubbing one hand across his eyes. For several long moments, he said nothing, a silent war raging within him. Finally, the hand dropped back to his side. Gilmore looked defeated. “Because I know my husband,” he said quietly. 

Vax stared at him. No, he must have heard Gilmore wrong. Vax replayed the words in his head. Several times. The problematic word did not change upon review. His brain was sad to inform him that Vax had heard Gilmore correctly. And then it promptly began shutdown protocols. “You...that’s...you…your...” Words. What were they? “Your **HUSBAND**?!” Vax shouted, stepping back in shock. 

“Please, Vax’ildan.” How was Gilmore still so calm? “Where did you put the box?”

“No,” Vax said, shaking his head. “I’m too drunk for this.” He grabbed the magic parchment and shoved it in his pocket before Grog or Kima could try to take it from him again. “No, no, no.” Vax walked promptly to his bed, where he crawled under the blankets, boots and all. With any luck, he would wake up tomorrow having hallucinated this whole thing. 

“Vax’ildan. I am still here!” Gilmore had his hands on his hips, and he did not look happy. 

“Fine!” Vax kicked the sheets off in a huff. “I put the box in a secret drawer in my room. But you’ll never find--” Wait, Gilmore was already gone. If he’d ever really been there at all. Vax smacked his face into the pillows and cried, feeling very sorry for himself. 

Husband? If Gilmore was really married, then that meant their whole relationship had been a lie. Vax felt used. Deceived. Betrayed. If their whole relationship had been a lie, then that meant all of the love, the self-esteem Vax had found in being with Gilmore wasn’t real. No good thing about any of it was real. And that was hard to deal with just now, after having recently died but not quite. 

Plus, even if Vax had been able to compete against a husband for Gilmore’s affections, no way could he compete against an emperor! Though Vax had killed dragons before...

No. No way was a giant brass dragon Gilmore’s husband! Dragons didn’t marry people! That was ridiculous! Even more ridiculous than the suggestion that a commoner, a shopkeep, no less, could be a queen--king? Whatever. 

No. No, Vax refused to believe it. Gilmore was not married and he did love Vax and he was just a common human, and that was how it was supposed to be. It was how Vax _needed_ it to be.


	2. A Trap for a Rogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilmore finds the box from J’mon, and tries to get Vax to talk to him.

Gilmore felt terrible for leaving Vax as he had. But not as terrible as he would feel if someone at the castle blew themselves up by touching the trapped jewelry box. He’d been in Vax’ildan’s room in the castle so seldom, Gilmore actually had to walk there, after Teleporting to the catacombs. Cassandra was already gone, and it was just as well. This was a task best performed alone. 

He passed several guards, but none gave him a second glance. Gilmore was a fixture in Whitestone now, and came to the castle often enough to be unremarkable, so he made it to Vax’ildan’s room without harassment. He deactivated the traps he knew Vax would set on his door as a matter of course--did Gilmore have a penchant for persons who set traps?--and entered the room. He didn’t need light to see, but Gilmore lit a candle anyway, just so that no one would be suspicious of movement in a dark room. 

As Gilmore looked around, there were a number of hiding places, but only three with drawers: the desk, the bed, and a hidden panel behind one of the wall tapestries. He tried the bed first, thinking that Vax would have been more likely to throw down an object that had offended him as the jewel box had. And that’s where Gilmore found it. The lacquer box was of familiar make, with his favourite--or what had once been his favourite--commissioned work duplicated on the lid and sides. He wondered if the Soul had painted it themself or commissioned an artisan to reproduce it. 

Gilmore knew what to look for as far as the trap went. This one had been magically set--a rogue-proof trap, so to speak; Vax couldn’t have deactivated it even if he’d detected the trap. And it was a nasty one, meant to permanently maim a thief’s hands. Fortunately, the spell reacted to Gilmore’s presence, the trap falling away with just a small exertion of will. 

He made certain it would not reactivate once he closed the box again. Gilmore also carefully removed the tiny canisters of poison gas hidden inside the hinges. The Soul had been experimenting with storing and reusing their breath weapon for millennia, sometimes to power their inventions, but more often than not to harm. It was their favourite weapon for devices of all kinds. Gilmore tucked the brass cylinders away in his satchel. They might come in handy later. 

Inside the box was a full set of hair jewels, 17, if he had a guess--Devo’ssa loved their prime numbers. But Gilmore didn’t bother to count them. He removed one and held it up to the light to examine the quality of the amethysts. Gilmore remembered the mine these came from in the foothills of the Smouldercrown Mountains. He had thought it long since stripped, but perhaps not. That, or J’mon had cut one of their treasured gems to make these, which would speak to a much greater offering. 

Of course Gilmore loved them, but he did not want to. What do you do with a gift from someone you’ve chosen to be apart from? He tucked the jewel away, closing the box again. Gilmore wanted to be at home before he examined the Soul’s gift any further. Just the presence of the box was disrupting his psyche. 

He’d blown his allotted high level spells for the day, so Gilmore couldn’t return to Vax now that the crisis had been averted. But he did produce a pen and arcane parchment from his sleeve, and make several attempts to contact Vax’ildan. Gilmore lit up the parchment, heated it to burning, conjured cascading sparkles in the air above it, anything to make the half elf look at it. 

_Vax._

_Vax’ildan._

_I’m sorry._

_I have the box, and it’s safe._

_Please speak to me._

But Vax was ignoring his parchment, lying in a drunken stupor on the bed, having cried himself half to sleep. Gilmore walked home before he tried making contact again, this time sitting comfortably in his workshop. 

_My darling._

_Please look at me?_

Vax pulled the parchment out of his pocket, resentful. “How?” Vax whined. “You’re not even here.” 

_I am here. As much as I can be. I’m sorry I can’t be there in the flesh, but my spells are depleted for today._

“I don’t care. I don’t care!” Vax raised his head from the pillow. “If you can’t be here, then I don’t want to talk to you. I can’t believe anything you say. You never loved me!” His head fell onto the pillow with a plop, and he began to weep again. 

_Oh, my Vax’ildan. That’s not true. I love you even now._

“No, it’s not true!” Vax swiped the paper onto the floor. “You were married to the emperor this whole time! You probably just used me to make him jealous or something!” His face appeared over the side of the bed, glaring down at the paper as if it was Gilmore. “Do you know he threatened to kill me? He threatened to **kill** me, Gilmore! And you didn’t even warn me that was your husband we were going to see!”

_I’m sorry, my darling. I’m so sorry. If I’d know you were going to seek an audience with the Soul, I could have advised you better--_

“Not advice!” Vax smacked his hand into the mattress. “You should have told me!”

Gilmore didn’t know what to say to that. _And if I had? Then_ _what would you have done?_

“I don’t know! Maybe not followed _your husband_ to a mile high tower alone!?”

 _I’m sorry._ If only they’d still had the locket...

“You are sorry! And so am I! I’m sorry I ever met you!” Then he tossed the parchment under the bed, and Gilmore had to watch Vax’ildan sob into his pillow like a heartbroken child. 

He stopped scrying. It was too much to bear.


	3. Deep Thoughts with Vax'ildan Vessar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sober, Vax thinks of some reasons why Gilmore might have lied to him about his relationship status.

Vax spent the next day sneaking around Wildemount, invisible. He didn’t particularly want to talk to or be seen by anyone. And apparently they were stuck here in the ruins of Draconia for another eight hours so that Kiki could do her plants spell. That was fine. Vax hid for most of the eight hours and spent part of the day palling around with Scanlan, being stupid. He felt a little better when he was with Scanlan, but mostly Vax just wanted to go stealth again. It was just as well Keyleth was busy. 

He had a lot of time to think in those eight hours, and that was both good and bad. Vax still felt betrayed, and very hurt by Gilmore for lying to him all this time. But then he thought: if Gilmore was truly happy in his marriage, why had he run away from Marquet so many years ago, and never even gone back to visit? 

Gilmore had said he’d gotten out of there as soon as he could. What did that mean? Were the spouses of emperors not allowed to leave the country? 

And Gilmore had been so young then--was that even old enough to be married legally? And if it was (maybe it was in Marquet), was that old enough to knowingly choose a marriage that was good? Safe? Emotionally healthy? 

Was it possible Gilmore’s parents had sold him to the emperor for a good “bride” price because they’d needed the money? Is that how they had their very own well in the middle of the desert?

Maybe none of those things were true, and Vax had been justified in the cruel things he’d said to Gilmore last night. 

But what if they  _ were _ true? Was it fair of Vax to be so angry at Gilmore for keeping secret a loveless, long-distance marriage he clearly would rather not be a part of?

Because Vax wasn’t the only person Gilmore had lied to. Or did Jarett know? He was from Marquet. If Jarett knew, and he’d slept with Gilmore anyway, did that mean he understood something that Vax did not about how marriages worked in Marquet? 

Or did he know that Gilmore’s marriage to the emperor was as good as over--or, better yet, just for show--and could be ignored? 

**Or** was Jarett afraid to go back to Marquet because he knew he’d be executed for sleeping with the emperor’s spouse? 

There was so much Vax didn’t know. And none of it changed how hurt he felt. Why would Gilmore encourage his advances even after Vax had broken up with him? Why would he tell Vax he loved him if he really loved the emperor, instead? 

And how exactly did a marriage between a dragon and a human work? Could they still have sex? Or was it some weird bondage power dynamic, like when a dragon kidnapped a princess? Maybe dragons needed to have human prisoners for status? 

Vax honestly had no clue. And he could tell Gilmore didn’t want to talk about it. And he didn’t trust Gilmore to tell him the truth anymore anyway. There was really no point in talking to Gilmore ever again. 

He would just sum up what he thought their relationship had been, what it had meant to him when this was all said and done, and Vax would say his final farewell. There was only a slim chance he would survive their battle with Thordak anyway. 

If Vax had been looking down the barrel of a long and happy life, it might have been enough to just never speak to Gilmore again. But knowing that he was probably going to die soon, Vax didn’t want to leave any loose ends. 

He resolved to have one last talk with Gilmore when they returned, and then that would be the end of it. Whatever came, it would be one less thing weighing on his conscience when they went in to kill Thordak. 


	4. The Amethyst Unicorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilmore examines J’mon’s gift and worries that his life in Tal’Dorei may be over.

Gilmore was questioning all of the choices he’d made. It had likely been a mistake to become so emotionally involved with a mortal. But it’s not as though Vax was the first bad decision he’d ever made on that front. 

Perhaps he should have been honest with Vax’ildan from the beginning, but Gilmore had had such a hard time getting him to commit at all, and that had been _before_ the hiccup with Keyleth. Gilmore didn’t think Vax would have come to him if he’d told him the truth.

Besides, the truth was Gilmore’s business. He’d come to Emon in order to be anonymous. Gilmore had given up that life, so what right did it have to keep intruding on his affairs? Couldn’t he just be Gilmore of Gilmore’s Glorious Goods for a few decades? Was that really too much to ask? 

Apparently it was. He had not known J’mon had threatened Vax. That changed things. And rather worked counter to the gift they’d sent. One was an apology, and the other was proof that the possessive temper Gilmore had sought to leave behind remained, strong as ever. It was certainly no reason to go back. 

But now he’d broken Vax’ildan’s little heart. Gilmore wasn’t certain there were words he could say that would fix this. He might reveal everything about himself to the last detail of his history, and Vax could still reject him. And that would leave Gilmore completely vulnerable, with everything about him known to a brand new enemy, a dragonslayer, no less. He would have to leave and start over somewhere else from scratch. Or worse, go home. 

Gilmore needed to be alone and look at this from all angles to see if there was anything to be saved. He sent a letter to the barracks telling Jarett he wanted to be alone this evening. Comforting as Jarett might have been, he was also wrapped up in all of this--more than he should have been. More than was safe. 

He spent the evening in his work room, drinking and making notes and sketches. Gilmore knew he should bite the bullet and just open the box. But he needed to procrastinate, because he didn’t want to. 

So he tied his braids up in a scarf and went on a cleaning tear. Could all of this be done in less time and with less effort using magic? Of course. But the point was to put off looking more closely at Devo’ssa’s gift. 

All of the damaged furniture in the drawing room could have been fixed with a cantrip. But that would have been too easy. Gilmore moved it, piece by piece, out in front of the house, stacking the furniture in neat piles. Eventually, he ran out of things to clean and throw away. 

When it was very late, but his head felt supernaturally clear, Gilmore gave in and went back to his workroom to open the unicorn box. There were 17 jewels, just as he’d suspected. Numbers were a language the Soul had taught him from an early age. Numbers meant everything to them. 

Gilmore had come to hate them. They were like a spell, pulling him back to Ank’Harel. And he did not want to go back. Even if his life here in Tal’Dorei was ruined, Gilmore was not going back. Not yet. 

He took all of the jewels out of the box and looked at them on the bench in front of him. Along with numbers, J’mon had groomed Gilmore to solve puzzles. Most of their gifts to him over the centuries had been puzzles; it was one of their methods of intimate communication. 

Without thinking, Gilmore picked up two of the jewels and fit them together. His fingers continued to work, and Gilmore allowed his eyes to unfocus, letting his unconscious, his muscle memory solve the puzzle. After a few minutes, he looked down at a little clockwork unicorn that was made up of each jewel fit together against the next. 

He activated it, and the unicorn began to prance, nodding its gold horn, the music wheel inside it playing a familiar tune in metallic tones: a song Gilmore had written for the Soul when he’d first mastered music enough to compose. Devo’ssa thought of it as their song. It had been, once.

It was upsetting. Gilmore was tempted to smash it, to crush the delicate machinery in his fist. But J’mon had a way of breathing life into their clockworks. The little beast did not deserve that. Gilmore turned it off and set it aside, where Lockheed eyed it suspiciously. _“Don’t touch,”_ he told it firmly. But he doubted if Tiberius had ever taught it that command. Certainly, Lockheed didn’t seem to be listening. 

Gilmore ended up shoving the amethyst unicorn into a drawer to keep it safe. Then he laid his head on the workbench and wept. Too much pent up emotion. This day had been far too much, from Vax’ildan’s death early this morning to a gift of reclaiming from the brass dragon. Too much. 

“Master Gilmore?” He did not know what time it was when Sherri checked in on him. “Oh, Sir. You shouldn’t fall asleep on your workbench. It’s bad for your back.” She frowned at him and fussed until Gilmore was safely in his bed with a cup of warm milk at his bedside. 

“Thank you, Sherri,” Gilmore said. 

“You look awful,” she said with emphasis, looking down at him. 

“Good. I feel awful.” Sherri leaned down and felt his forehead with the back of her hand. 

“I don’t think you have a temperature.” 

“It’s not that kind of sickness.” 

“Would you like to talk about it?” 

“Not really. Is Kima back yet?” Kima could scold him out of this depression, if nothing else. 

“I don’t think so,” Sherri said. “Would you like for me to go check?” 

“No, I’m sure she’s not.” 

Sherri looked worried. “Should I sit with you?” 

“No. I think I’d rather be alone.” 

She gave him a look. “You’re not going to hurt yourself, are you?” 

Gilmore laughed weakly. “No.” 

Sherri bent, gripping his shoulder and kissing him on the forehead. “Page me if you need me.” 

“Give Lady Cassandra my regards.” Sherri nodded and was gone. 

Gilmore lay awake for hours, staring up at the velvet canopy. What was he to do about Vax? Did it even matter, if the Soul had had their fill of waiting for him to come home?

At one point, he rolled over and found a two inch hole had been cut into both the mattress and the sheet. Who would dare? Finally, Gilmore lost consciousness; the araq had helped with that. He had no intentions of leaving his bed any time soon.


End file.
